Forever red: The musical
by Spawn Guy
Summary: Title says it all. Lots of bashing, singing and MuppetMonty phyton refrences
1. Hey a moive!

**FOREVER RED: THE MUSICAL **

**A SPAWN GUY PRODUCTION **

**HOSTED BY: GUESS, GO ON, GUESS **

Me no owny Power rangers. If I did this crap would have ended looooooong ago.

Power rangers and most characters involved don't belong to little old me but Saban entertainment. I am NOT a ranger fan, but I was there for the first series until after "in space"... I just couldn't watch any more.

**Hey a movie**

Movie set.

Quiet.

Dark.

Until...

HOLY HELL!!! A car (red I hasten to add) crashes through the wall and onto the stage, and pulls up knocking something over (for the record it's the statue of David. I haven't decided what to do with it yet, but **damn**, did that thing cause a hernia getting into the truck).

The car door is kicked open, with the sound of braking glass and much cursing.

Out of the car steps, drum roll please...

Spawn guy ( into microphone) : Ladies and gentlemen! You know em, most of em, you love em, they wish, give 'em a big hand folks:

TJ, turbo red ranger (trying to clean the glass out of his knee).

Andros, space red ranger.

Leo, galaxy red ranger.

Carter, light speed red ranger.

Wes: time force red ranger

Eric, quantum red ranger (wearing matrix sun glasses, pansy)

Cole: wild force red ranger

Spawn guy: And tonight's special celebrity guest stars...

Tommy, zeo red ranger

And the one, the only, the original ...

Jason, mighty morphing red ranger.

Spawn guy: Now let's get this sorry excuse for a promotional offer started.

Music to _Hey a movie_ starts.

Cole: _There'll be spectacle_.

Wes: _There'll be fantasy_.

TJ (pushes Wes out of the way) _there'll be daring do_.

Cole: _And stuff you never thought you'd see._

All: _Hey a movie! Hey there gonna make a movie staring everybody, everybody... _

Tommy:...And me!

Jason: _There'll be heroes bold_.

Wes (does the "rabbit ears" thing over TJ's head): _There'll be comedy_.

Eric ( takes off sunglasses): _There'll be lots of fuss..._

All:_...Which'll end for us real happily. Hey a movie! Were gonna make a movie staring everybody, everybody... _

Cole:...And me!

Leo: _There'll be crooks and cops_.

Carter: _And villainy_.

All: _But_ _with us on call, it'll end real easily. Hey a movie! Were gonna make a movie_, _staring every body, everybody..._

Andros:...And me!

Jason: _There'll be mystery_.

TJ (beats Wes upside the head with a folding chair): _They'll be catastrophe_. (A stage light falls on him, rendering him unconscious.)

All: _But its all in fun. You paid money ,just wait and see. Hey a movie! Were gonna make a movie, staring everybody, everybody... _

Jason (In a worryingly high voice):...And MEEEEEEEEEE!

The car explodes and the guys all morph into their ranger suits. Its quite dramatic. Kinda like when those fireworks go off behind them whenever rangers team up.

Cole: Whoa!

Wes: Man, oh man I'm glad that's not _my_ car!

TJ: MY BABY! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY BABY?! (Falls to the floor sobbing)

Jason ( craning neck to look at the wreckage): I'd say it blew up. Glad that wasn't _my_ car!

TJ: If you cant say anything helpful then don't say anything.

Spawn guy ( blinks): OK. So guys, you excited?

Jason ( turns away from the wreckage formerly known as TJ's car): Will we be paid extra if we are?

Spawn guy: No.

All: Awww.

Be here next for a little ditty I call _from the fireman's mouth_, wherein young Cole is approached by a mysterious gent offering a world of fantasy, magic, adventure and surprise!

Carter ( Notices Cole looking at him): Oh for the last time, it was not molestering!

Spawn guy: Quite you! Be here next time on Dragon ball Z!

Curtains close.


	2. From the fireman's mouth

**From the fireman's mouth **

Curtains open.

Were in one of those parks these guys always go to when ever their not doing ranger... stuff. Along come the wild force rangers.

Spawn guy (playing the narrator naturally): We join our young wild force friends on a stroll through the park, to a picnic of all things. How a horny high school kid, a testosterone infested she commando, two mental patients on the run and a (lets be frank) idiot Tarzan can actually go to a picnic and act like normal people is beyond me. I don't know about the villains but they scare the hell out of me.

Oh and let's see here... (Mumbles and fidgets trying to find the right line in the script)..."Hey a movie"...no... "Dragon ball..." ...no ... "Does whatever"...no... AHA! HA HA HA AHA AHA HA! Found ya... (Coughs)...and young Cole follows his band of merry morons in a rather dejected way.

Danny: What's wrong lad?

Cole: What did you just call me?

Danny (Ignoring him): You'll be marrying the princess soon...I think... or is that Merik? I forget these things ...

Cole: Well I may be marrying her, over Merik's dead body mayherestinpeice, but mother...

Danny: Father Lad. Father.

Cole: You're not my mother or my father. But I don't want to marry her.

Danny: Don't want to marry her! Why not? She's Beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge tracks of land. She's got huge...tracks of land.

Cole: I know but I'd rather...

Danny: Rather what?

Cole: I'd rather just... (Opera music starts) ...sing...

Merik (appears in a puff of smoke ala Night crawler): Oh no you don't! You're not going into a song while I'm here!

Cole: HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!

Merik: It's a talent. (Does it again)

Max: _Teenage mutant ninja turtles _

_Teenage mutant ninja turtles _

_Splinter taught them to be ninja teens... _

Danny: Shut your noise you!

Cole: Wait a god damn minute this isn't about him! This is about ME ME ME!!!!

Max: _Leonardo leads _

_Donatello does machines _

_(That's a fact jack) _

_Raphael is cool but crude _

_(Gimme a break) _

_Michelangelo is a party dude..._

Merik appears once again, grabs Max, and disappears hopefully having dumped mental patient #1 at the bottom of the ocean.

Spawn guy: And as the rest of the child force continue on there way, young Cole's heart sinks. And yours would too. Bad enough to have your name associated with this bunch of moronic, idiotic kiddie show, spandex wearing retards... but to have your problems ignored when you have abandonment issues like Cole and an ego to match? The horror! The horror! And suddenly to deliver the final crushing blow...

Max (covered in water, snow, grass, sea weed, and something that certainly ISNT chocolate): Duuuuuuude. (Sways) Almost fainted there but I didn't. Hey fine china!

Max waddles off like the idiot he is. There are crashes and screams.

Max (out of shot): Oops.

Spawn guy: My god the horror!

Taylor (out of shot): KILL! KILL! KILL WITH NASTY SHARP BIRDE BEAKS!

Melissa (also out of shot): Aaaagh! Like oh no, like my finest china (starts crying)

Merik (guess where he is): THE SUGAR! THE SUGAR! THE SUGARS IN MY PANTS!

Danny (oh come on, think about it): Save the wails!

Cole: PLEASE GOD SHOOT ME NOW!

Spawn guy: And as Cole (no longer referred to as young) pleads to the open sky, it seems mercy is not fourth coming. But wait...what's that? Is it the All Mighty's answer? Is it a helpful meteor? Is it a merciful rocket? Is it a...screaming man on a flaming jet pack?! Oh...'Scuse me... (Dives for cover)

Cole: Oh. (Side steps)

Screaming like a new born, swatting pathetically at his jet pack (did I mention it was on fire?) and crashing into the ground, helpfully missing and creating a small crater near Cole, comes...Carter.

Carter (bounces out of the crater): OK! OK! DON'T PANICK! HELLO? WHERE AM I? AM I WHERE I WANT TO BE? (Realises he's still on fire)EH? HOLY CRAP! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO? IT'S OK! JUST REMEMBER WHAT THEY TOLD YOU IN FIREMAN SCHOOL! (Does the stop drop role gig...totality wrong) PUSH PULL RUN JUMP! PUSH PULL RUN JUMP!

Cole: Its stop drop roll. Stop .Drop .Roll. I spent most of my life in the jungle and even I know that.

Eventually...

Carter (yes the fire is out now, much as I'd like to I can't kill him. Yet): Ahhhh...Why oh why did I have to ride that thing? Why can't I ride one of those light speed jeeps? It's a hell of a lot saner. (Laughs like Peter from Family guy, God I love that show!) Saner.

Cole: Who are you?

Carter (holds out hand): Grayson. Carter Grayson.

Cole: Uhhhhhhh-huh.

Carter: And you must be Cole Collins, wild force red ranger.

Cole: Damn those fan sites are getting nosier!

Carter: Maybe I should explain this again...

Cole: You didn't explain anything yet.

Carter: I didn't? Oh well...I'm the light speed red ranger...and I come to offer you a world of ...

Spot light on carter. He takes centre stage. The top hat and cane from Willy Wonker and the chocolate factory get thrown at him from somewhere off stage. Strange thing is he doesn't pick them up. Armature)

Carter: Fantasy! (First few notes of star spangled banner play in back ground)

Carter: Magic! (Music repeats, fainter, 2nd verse)

Carter: Adventure! (1st/2nd verses repeated, faint, 3rd verse)

Carter: And surprise! (Full song plays, they both place hands on hearts patriotically)

Cole: Surprise? (Music grinds to a halt) Oh my god! Get away from me you freak!

Carter (picking up the top hat):??

Cole: Molester! Child molester!

Carter: WHAT? I'm not a...I came all the way from the east coast (I can't remember where light speed rescue IS) to find you! I'm drafting you for a mission into outer space! With other red rangers!

Cole: Oh thank God! I don't know...

Carter: Well if I can't apell to your sense of patriotism, how about I apell to your sense of...song and dance?

Dramatic music (Duh, Duh, DUH for the slow of wit)

Cole (gasps): But...how did...

Carter: You really think you're the only one? The only red ranger with a passion for the rhythm of the beat? The heart of the movement? We red rangers are a special breed. Not only do we kick ass real good...we sing real good to. Like so...

Music to _A lot to see_ starts

Carter: _The 60's brought the hippy breed. _

_And decade's later things have changed indeed._

_We lost the values but kept the weed _

_You've got a lot to see! _

Carter picks up the top hat andcain (Oh sure! Now!) and twirls the cain, eventually pointing at an election poster of president Regman .

Carter: _The Regman_ _years have laid the frame _

_For movie stars to play the white house game. _

(Flips poster over to a picture of Feldman and Haim)

_We're not that far from voting Feldman and Haim _

_You've got a lot to see! _

Melissa and Taylor join Carter at centre stage and start lap dancing. Spawn guy covers his eyes in horror, you would too.

Carter: _The town of Vegas has a different face _

_Cause it's a family place with lots to do. _

_Where in the 50s, a man could mingle with scores of the seediest whores..._

Cole: So?

Carter: Well now his children can too.

Cole gapes and puts his hands on top of his head like the French guy in Monty python. Melissa and Taylor stop lap dancing, glory be to God. Max and Danny come on stage with banjos.

Carter: _You heard it from the fireman's mouth. _

_The world has changed that is except the south. _

_And you'll agree..._ (Banjo music from Danny and Max)

Carter slips deck of cards out of his sleeve and begins to turn them over

..._No one really knows my young wild force friend _

_Just quite how it all will end... _

The cards are: Rita, Zedd, Astromana and G.W Bush

..._So hurry cause you've got a lot to see!_

Danny: There's lots of stuff you may have missed.

Melissa: Like Peewee and his famous writs.

Carter: Or Sandy Duncan's creepy phoney eye.

Max: That awesome ninja turtles cartoon.

Taylor: Neil Armstrong landing on the moon.

Cole: Neil Armstrong, wasn't he the trumpet guy?

The alien and space rangers go by playing trumpets, not an easy feat for people with helmets on.

Carter: _So let's go see the US of A. _

_They'll treat you right unless your black or _

_Gay or Cherokee. _(Shots of Max, Danny and Melissa getting arrested)

_But you can forgive the world and its flaws_

_And follow me there because _

_You've still got a hell of a lot to see! _

Lights come back on, the rest of wild force leave, and Carter throws the props away.

Carter: Well?

Cole: Well... it would be nice to meet other rangers...to have the freedom to do big song and dance numbers...

Carter: The **biggest **song and dance numbers!

Cole: ...but there are a lot of people waiting for me here.

More screams and crashing out of shot, plus the sound of someone being strangled.

Taylor: MAX YOU IDIOT! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Merik runs passed them screaming.

Merik: OW! OW! OW! NOW THERES SOME JELLY IN THERE TOO! OW!

Cole (grabs Carter by the shirt): Take me now!

Curtain closes.

Spawn guy: OK. THAT came out wrong. Next up: rangering _right along. _Cole and his new friend set out to meet others but can they get past the black ticket server and brave the perils of public transport?

Carter (behind curtain): Public? We were promised limos!

Spawn guy: Shut up! Be here next time and don't expect this to be the last! Were all gonna be here for a loooooong time, like some godforsaken skin rash!


	3. Rangering right along

**Rangering right along **

Curtains open.

Enter carter and Cole, walking down the steps of a sub way station.

Spawn guy: Last time we saw the dim-witted duo we hoped and prayed it was the last time...but hey if I didn't keep this up it would be a very short fic. Any way, any who, any why we now find ourselves in a handy subway after negotiations with the guys and management decided that the subway was necessary to this sketch. Hi, ho, hi ho...down the steps they go...

Carter and Cole are entering the sub way station.

Carter: Your gonna love it when we get there.

Cole (like an excited school girl): What are we gonna do? Huh? Huh? Are we gonna sing huh, huh?

Carter (like another excited school girl): Well were gonna write songs, were gonna dance, were gonna whach movies, were gonna have barbecues, were gonna eat ice cream and pig out and were just gonna be great big bitches!

Spawn guy: Bastards.

Both: Huh?

Spawn guy: Bastards. You'll be great big bastards. Oh and I'm watching you. 24/7.

Cole: Why?

Spawn guy: Because the thought of one of you alone is freighting. 10 of you is terrifying!

Carter and Cole come towards the turnstiles...I mean ticket vendors.

Carter: OK, were taking the east bound C train. Y'know my zords actually a train?

Cole: Mines a lion.

Carter looks disappointed. You know the "Aww man he's got better stuff than me!" look? That's the look he's got.

Carter and Cole come to the...ticket ...salesman...guy...I don't have any idea what their called. He's wearing a black suit.

Carter (acting like he doesn't see ticket man): That's right. The C train.

Black ticket man: None shall pass.

Carter: What?

Black ticket man: None shall pass.

Carter: You make me sad. C'mon Cole.

Black ticket man: **None** shall pass.

Carter: Look you stupid bastard I'm a federal agent! (Holds up a badge)

The black ticket man places the badge in the scanner. It beeps and flashes red.

Scanner: Deadbeat! Deadbeat! Deadbeat!

Black ticket man: Sure you are.

Carter: I'm a power ranger too!

Black ticket man: I move for no fair jumper.

Carter morphs.

Carter: Let us through on the federal agent policy or I'll cut your balls off!

Black ticket man: C'mon ya pansy!

There follows 10 minutes of fighting, Carter with his gun/dagger and the black ticket man with a night stick. At the end of this Carter gets bored and lasers the black ticket mans arms off.

Black ticket man's torso: All right mister federal agent, off you go.

Carter de morphs.

Carter: C'mon Cole.

They board the train, leaving the Ticket man's torso behind.

Black ticket man's torso: Oh I see! Running away huh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

Later...

Carter and Cole are in a light speed rescue jeep.

Carter: NASA here we come!

Cole: That was over dramatic but not entirely unexpected. I'm going to have so much FUN!

Off they drive.

Carter: Mind if I play some music?

Cole: So long as it's not Hanson.

Music to _Moving right along _starts

Cole: _Moving right along in search of good times _

_And good news with good friends you _

_Cant loose. _

Carter: _This could be a habit! _

Cole:_ Opportunity just knocked _

_Let's reach out and grab it! _

_Together we'll nab it!_

Carter: _We'll hitch hike _

_Bus or yellow cab it!_

Cole: Cab it?

Both: _Moving right along _

_Foot loose and fancy free._

Cole: _Getting there is half the fun _

_Come share it with me!_

Cole gets out a map.

Cole: OK we gotta turn left at a fork in the road.

Carter: Fork in the road right. (Notices something) Cole...

There's a giant fork in the road, and crouched on it in a classic Daredevil pose is Spawn guy.

Spawn guy: I told you! 24/7!

Cole: I don't believe that.

Both: _Moving right along _

_We found a life on the highway. _

Carter: _And your way is my way! _

Cole: _So trust my navigation._

_NASA here we come. _

Carter: _Come eye in the sky land! _

Cole: _Palm trees and warm sand! _

Carter: _Yet sadly we just left Road Island. _

Cole: We WHAT?!

Carter: Just forget it.

Both: _Moving right along! _

_Moving right along! _

Cole: Carter...CARTER!

Carter: What?

Somehow unnoticed by Carter, a silver guardians van is bearing down on them. Spawn guy covers his eyes and peeks out behind a finger. The guardians van is now on top of the jeep...upside down.

Spawn guy: Well what did you expect? Happened in the Muppet movie.

The sun roof of the van slides open and Wes and Erick stare down at Carter and Cole.

Wes: Carter? Cole?

Cole: Wes? Erick?

Carter: Erick? Cole?

Erick: Wes? Carter? Cole?

Spawn guy: Brad! Janet! Dr Scott! Get on with it!

The guys shrug and continue on their way to NASA.

Spawn guy: Well...that was interesting. Next up: _Six string rangers. _Cole meets Jason, TJ, Andros and Tommy. And Jason explains the mystery behind the red rangers music talent. Until then I must ask you to get out of my theatre and thank you, come again.

Curtain close.


	4. Six string Rangers

**Six string rangers **

Curtains open.

Spawn guy: The idiot squad continued their merry way to NASA. With the time force rangers now…riding shotgun what new levels of stupidity can we expect? (Looks at a piece of paper) Oh and music lovers are asked not to throw, hurl or fire projectiles of any sort at the stage. Not that I'd blame you.

The jeep/van pulls up outside NASA. The magnificent tetrad collapse out of the various windows.

Carter (Delusional): Limooooosss…

Wes: Well here we are. We'll send _you_ the bill for the van of course…

Carter (snaps out of it): Now wait just a minute! That was a perfectly good rescue jeep…

Jason (out of shot): Ahem.

They all turn round to see…Jason the original red ranger, flanked by his old friend Tommy.

Spawn guy: Oh magnificence! Oh excitement! Two of the first people to wear spandex on national TV! Oh I'm all of a flutter! Where's my pen? Where's my paper? Oh damn it; I hope I get run over right now to preserve this moment!

(This is pure sarcasm by the way)

Tommy (Coldly): It can be arranged.

Eric: My liege!

Carter, Eric and Wes throw themselves on all fours at Jason's feet.

Jason: That voice worries me. I've told you.

Cole hasn't thrown himself in front of Jason, being to busy undoing one of the stage lights.

Jason: Ah. New blood. (Points to Cole) You boy!

Cole: Wha?

Jason: That's not how you undo a spotlight. Look. (Does it properly for him. We're dealing with a man of experience here.) So what's your name new guy?

Cole: Huh?

Tommy grabs him and throws him to the floor.

Jason: So the little rascal has spirit!

Tommy: Wha?

Jason: Spirit! Bravado! Daring do!

Tommy: I think were out it. I'll have to check the fridge.

I don't have to tell you how weird this is because Jason _isn't_ lisping.

Jason: So…what is your name new guy?

Cole: What?

Jason: Strike him Mr Tommy! Strike him very roughly!

Tommy: What Jase?

Jason: STRIKE HIM!

Tommy: Oh. (Does so) And eh…throw him to the floor?

Jason: No, no I don't think so. So…what is your name new guy?

Cole: Cole.

Jason: Ah. Coal.

Cole: No, Cole…C-O-L-E…

Tommy strikes him again and is about to throw him to the floor when he realises his mistake.

Tommy: Wait…oh I get it.

Jason: C'mon in. You better met Andros and TJ.

Carter: Err…sorry, don't know. I think they lost to the Mets.

Jason takes a deep breath before leading them into one of the large hangers.

Jason: Well Cole I've known your father since he was _this _high. (Makes a really tiny circle with thumb and finger.)

Pause.

Jason: That's not really possible is it?

The others shake their heads.

Jason: Well you better come in. Mr Tommy!

Tommy salutes.

Jason: Show our travelling companions our mighty vehicle!

Tommy (Shocked): In public!?

Cole looks accusingly at Carter.

Carter: Ummm…I got nothing for this one.

Jason: Show. Them. The. Ship!

Tommy: Oh God Jase…really…I…I gotta protest…

Andros steps forward, out of the shadows the same way the butler always dose.

Andros: He means the megaship.

This startles the others.

Wes: Good God…

Andros: I get that a lot.

Cole: His hair!

Andros: I get that a lot too.

Jason: Ah Andros, the reason we're all here. (Andros looks smug) You owe us money from the last poker night.

Andros (nervous): I…spent it.

Every one except Cole forms a very tight circle around Andros.

Tommy: You know what we do to people who don't pay debts?

Andros: Their told their very naughty and not to do it again?

Jason: No.

Andros: They…lose their bowling team membership?

Jason: No.

Andros (ala c3po): Oh dear, oh dear…

Enter TJ

TJ: Howdy y'all! How's it going down here?

Jason: Ah Mr TJ. How's it going indeed? Is the ship ready for launch?

TJ goes slack jawed. Jason sighs.

Cole (stepping between them): Excuse me this is all fascinating…but I was promised a performance of Vegas style proportion.

Jason looks at Carter in a "What have you been saying to this boy" kind of way.

Carter: Ah no…we just sang about that.

Cole: Well what's being a red ranger got to do with musical talent?

Jason: ah well…

Tommy: Oh great. One of the long stories.

Jason: Back when _I_ was a red ranger…just starting out as a matter of fact…Zordon…

Cole: Who?

Jason, Tommy, Andros and TJ all laugh. The rest (apart from Cole) all try to act like their in on the joke.

Jason: Ohhhh…you naive rookie. Any way Zordon discovered the main aspect that kept me going as a ranger, even more powerful than my determination, my leadership skills…

Tommy: Hell yeah, you didn't even _have_ any leadership skills.

Jason (frowns but continues): …was my passion for musical theatre. Humming the breakfast club anthem under my breath got me out of a lot of difficult situations.

Tommy: Oh yeah! Remember Goldar and the whipped cream monster?

Jason (shuddering): I'd rather not. Since this was one of my best abilities…

Tommy: Your only worth while attribute …

Jason:…Zordon sent probes into the future to find destined to be rangers with the same talent, in order to further help the rangers' mission.

Cole: So where did this music talent come from?

Jason: Well it began like this…

Tommy: Oh God. Here we go…

Stage goes dark. Jason steps center and into the (undone) spotlight.

Music to _Six string orchestra_ starts

Jason: _From the very day I purchased it,_

_I christened my guitar _

_As my monophonic symphony _

_Six string orchestra. _

_In my room I'd practice late _

_They'd leave me alone. _

_My mother says you're nothing yet _

_To make the folks write home._

Tommy steps forward with a base guitar.

Jason: _And so I dream a base will join me _

_And fill the bottom in._

_And maybe now some lead guitars _

_So it wouldn't sound so thin._

Cole steps forward as lead guitar

Jason: _And so I dream a base will join me _

_And fill the bottom in._

_And maybe now some lead guitars _

_So it wouldn't sound so thin._

_I need some drums to set the beat_

_And help keep me in time._

_And way back in the distance some horns would sound so fine. _

Spotlight on TJ playing drums, and Wes, Carter, Andros and Eric playing horns.

Jason, Tommy and Cole: _And we'd all play together _

_Like fine musicians should. _

_And it would sound liked music _

_And the music would sound good. _

Jason: _But in real life I'm stuck with _

_That same old formula. _

_My monophonic symphony _

_Six string… _

Jason plays the last note. Really badly

Jason: _…orchestra. _

Cole: So…that's how it all began?

Jason: No…but it past the time didn't it?

Tommy: So are you in (like a schoolgirl) we are gonna have soooo much fun!

Cole: yeah I'm in.

There's a very flat Monty Python style" hooray".

Cole: Now…what do you need us for?

Jason: Manpower for the biggest musical event of the year.

Awed hush.

Curtain closes.

Spawn guy: Be where you were glued to next time for _The low and the mighty_ or _What no ranger should have to see_. This production bought t o you by Vogon planet distribution. Remember the price of gravity can go up as well as down.


End file.
